it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
