Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
