Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
