im having a threesome with these popsicles
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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