I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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