You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
