i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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