margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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