What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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