Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
