Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
