My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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