I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
