my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
