Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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