The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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