I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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