I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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