i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize