Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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