last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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