i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
