remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
