Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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