My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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