We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You need a sexual gate keeper
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
