Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
