I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
