What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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