You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
