dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
