you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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