OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
