There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
