I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
