I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
