eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
