honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
