my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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