His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
