so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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