i will never coherently bang her
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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