she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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