i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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