I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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