If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
