Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
