im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
