If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
