meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
