Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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