My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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