is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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