Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
