i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
