She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
