I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
