So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
