Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
