I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
