Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
