So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
