Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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