I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
