My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
