we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
