Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
