Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
